dip-C

2015 has pretty much been the year of losses...
I lost my job, my tom and my boyfriend, but also my depression.
It saw the closing of doors, but also the opening of old and new ones.
Overall, pretty good year, although I spent half of it either as an in- or an out-patient.
It probably was the year I needed.

So far, 2016 seems more troublesome.... :\

Oh, best friend, where did you go?
I miss you so much.
I can't sleep.
I can't stop crying.
Please come back...

Yesterday at 1:20am my tom's heart stopped beating.
And my heart broke.

What ever it was, Greg is better now.
Less drowsy, less dizzy and he could still eat a cow in one sitting.

Still, when is the right time to let go..?

Took Greg to the vet again today. Not for a sonograph, but because lately he started pooping blood.
Again, he left a horrible impression and I had the feeling this time the vet wanted to euthanise him on the spot.
He got an infusion, more antibiotics, something for his liver and kidneys.
Whatever it is, it is terminal. Suggestions range from acute renal failure to cancer.
I could invest in an x-ray to see wether it's cancer, but I don't think I will.
If it's cancer, it can't be treated anyway, the treatment would kill poor Greg rather than the cancer.
If it's renal failure he shouldn't survive much more than the weekend.

I remember the hard times we had with Valina. How often we'd thought that this would be it, but the Lady made a surprise recovery every so often.

I'm not sure whether I should invest much hope in Greg. I'm willing to accept that he won't live to see his next birthday.

You've been such a wonderful companion, Greg. Please don't leave me...